Something more, always something more
by LadyKappa
Summary: How it hurts to know you will never look at me that way... Daisuke... I love you... An internal monologue from Satoshi's eyes. Oneshot.


**Title:** Something more, always something more.  
**Author: **Kath (darchangel)  
**Beta-ed by:** Amy (koorinokisaki)  
**Written for: **The LJ community 30nights  
**Theme:** #11 - You will never look at me  
**Fandom:** DNAngel  
**Pairing:** Daisuke/Satoshi  
**Rating: **PG-13 for sexual implications.  
**Genre: **Romance/Angst  
**Summary: **How it hurts to know you will never look at me that way... Daisuke... I love you...  
**Author's Notes: **An internal monologue from Satoshi's eyes. Oneshot.  
**Warnings: **Err... slash? Yeah. Yaoi, boy love, you get the picture.

All has ended. Peacefully, just the way it should be. We're both alone now; no alter-egos to judge our thoughts and moves and question our intentions—we are, finally, free. Normal. And though you succeeded in changing my outlook on life—never before have I been this optimistic, this happy; never before would I smile so much in everyday life—, I've found a new thing to torment myself over. A new obsession. A new dream to fill my lonely nights.

You.

We go back to school like nothing ever happened. You even talk to me more—for that I am grateful— and include me in conversations with your friends. I watch your eyes sparkle as you laugh at Saehara's joke, and smile not because I think it's funny (in fact, I've hardly heard one word he's said) but because this moment is so precious and beautiful, and your laughter makes my heart a little more alive. Such moments are what I live for now. this new life I've been given is the greatest gift I could have asked for. No—if I had asked for it, it would've been too much.

And right then you walk away. Everyone scatters and my eyes remain fixed on you as you make your way through the desks to find the elder Harada, the object of your affection. Once again my heart shatters into a million pieces when I hear you call her name, when I see you interlace your fingers with hers and walk on, looking into her eyes and melting into her gaze.

I take off my glasses and pretend to wipe the sleep off of my eyelids, being so early in the morning—no one notices the hundredth time I weep for a love I'll never have. Class resumes and the day goes on, with me always watching your every move, wishing it was my hair you kissed, my hand you held, my name on your lips.

"Hiwatari-kun... Hiwatari-kun..."  
No! Daisuke, this is not enough! Don't call me with my last name as if I'm nothing more than an acquaintance! You saved me, you changed me from the inside out, you showed me the beauty of life in so many different ways. Everything beautiful has your name—Daisuke. Not Niwa-kun, not Niwa-san. _Daisuke._ My Daisuke...

No, someone else's Daisuke. Too far away from me, you stand on a hilltop with the sunshine playing with your hair. And though I try to let you see the feelings I have for you... you don't understand. My heart breaks each time you smile back at me and say "you are a great friend, Hiwatari-kun..." I don't want to be your friend! I want to taste those beautiful, full lips of yours and hear you moan my name—SATOSHI!— and feel your hands pull me closer to you, in a passionate embrace enclosed in darkness, forbidden words whispered into the night.

_I love you..._

My beautiful, sweet, unknowing Daisuke. There are no words that can describe the way I feel when I see you every day, greeting me and patting my shoulder and inquiring about my night's sleep—of course I couldn't tell you that once again I woke up in the middle of the night screaming your name, my breathing fast and my forehead glistening with sweat. There are no words that could explain the kind of need and want and lust I feel as I watch you move gracefully and talk about everything under the sun. No, even if you ever did listen to me, you could never understand just how deeply in love I am with you.

But I know that you will never look at me this way—and yet another tear falls into the depths of the night, unheard, unseen, silent.

_My Daisuke... I love you._


End file.
